But it wasn’t always that way. I remember in first grade I wanted to be referred to as “Maddie” after being only referred to as “Maddyn” my whole life, because it felt like an opportunity to be someone different. Then, in second grade, I decided I wanted to go by “Maddyn” because I liked the individuality it offered. Finally, in the third grade I settled on “Maddie” and I’ve stuck with it ever since.

 

However, my family still called me Maddyn. Every Thanksgiving my name went from “Maddie” to “Maddyn,” and it felt as though I was a different person. Instead of worrying about what everyone else thought, I was my own authentic self. The name “Maddyn” represented who I truly was, and “Maddie” represented who I thought others wanted me to be.

 

I was so captivated by what others thought of me. I scrutinized everything, even my name. But my name was just a small part of the problem. What I really cared about was how others perceived me. I let the different perceptions of myself shape my identity. I was simply whoever people wanted me to be at that time, whether that was “Maddyn” or “Maddie.” After years of balancing my true self with the version of me that I thought others wanted, I finally realized how exhausting it was.

 

This is when I started going by both “Maddie” and “Maddyn,” embracing the traits that both the names entail. “Maddyn” represents my true self and my individuality, while “Maddie” holds all the memories and relationships I’ve built. I stopped trying to be the person I thought everyone wanted me to be, understanding that people would much rather be friends with the real version of me than a facade that I created. My fear was no longer the judgement from my own friends, and I learned to appreciate the presence of vulnerability and authenticity in my life. Sharing who I really was, as both Maddyn and Maddie, brought me a new type of friendship that I continue to cherish. It allowed me to be who I really was as well as encourage those around me to do the same.

 

My journey in the seemingly simple task of choosing the name that I wanted to go by has taught me that people are always going to have an opinion of you, and whether it’s positive or negative, you can’t change it. Ultimately, if someone doesn’t like you for who you are, don’t change yourself into someone you’re not, when there will always be people out there who appreciate you for who you truly are.